Bros over hos, in suburban people’s tongue, amounts to “friends over lovers,” or perhaps “male friends over lovers,” if we were to be specific and demanding.
It is a proverb that initially seems like a complaint. You say, “Ya, dude, you got to hang out with us more!” in a seeming nonchalant way, “Give us your time, guy! We are friends and stop spendingall your time with that girl!”
It is also a proverb that, to a single man, seems precisely like a warning: “Bros over hos; if you do not get with this woman you do not worry at all, because we are still here even if you strike out.” It is a phrase that can be said to the loser of the group, without woman, in a way that conveys the concept that ‘Oh dude, I am implying that I think you can get this woman, though in actuality I think not that you can get her, and I am preparing you for failure by conveying that I will still be here for you, eternally, even when you miss the woman that never was yours.’
It is words of strength. You will fail tonight, but I give you the notice that after said failure we will be together, still, because we are brothers, you idiot.
But there is a real truth of ‘Bros over Hos,’ because friends are eternal, and there is nothing that a friend could do that would cause me to abandon them. Even if they were a criminal guilty of things that were horrific –I’d stand by them, because that is when they would need me most, more than ever, and I would try to understand the crimes they committed.
A friend is not a friend when it is convenient — a friend is a friend when it is hard, difficult; a friend is a friend when it is an ugly truth staring you in the eye. A friend will be your friend when you face your Nuremberg trials.
And you know, when you lose a lover, someone whom your heart connected with so closely, with whom you shared your entire life down to your sexuality, it is the most difficult thing in the world.
This is precisely because ‘Bros over hos.’
Your lover was your ‘bro.’ She was your sister (if you are a man or a lesbian), or your brother (if you are a woman or a gay man,) or your potentially both (if you are of different sexuality). I will use ‘she’ so it is relevant to me.
She was there for joys and sorrows, and she was there for little jokes and boring times — times in front of computers watching little movies and she dressed up nice when she went on vacationand came back home, wearing her best clothes for you. She gave herself to you — she was what you wanted when you wanted it, and even when she was not what you wanted you changed in a small way to be what she wanted. You gave yourself, she gave herself, and you tried hard to block the emptiness of an empty life. You tried to make happiness out of nothing, and more often than not, you succeeded.
This is because you are a great person and together you were greater than either of you could ever be alone.
I have a video of her singing to me — a joking song, just to be cute and funny. I recorded it while lying down, on the floor of her home, on a Sunday afternoon before I went back to my Hell without her. I could not watch it even though it’d been three years since she was gone.
I will never fully move beyond her and this is a cause of pain. She was not a ho — she was a bro, and the loss of a brother brings tears eternally. Tears of frustration, of defeat, of an eternal sorrow marked by the loss of something that should not have been lost.
Aristotle insisted that man was a social animal — and how social we are! Without our Others, we would be nothing.
Loneliness, isolation — this is the definition of despair.
We give our everything for other people because it is what makes us happy. We must be ourselves for ourselves, but we are ourselves because of our reactions to others. We are created by our friends & family and even the people we consider enemies. We are products of society.
We need others more than we need water & food — because without water & food yet in the company of others, we could even die in some sense of completion. Yet, if we were all alone with all the water & food in the world, our existence would be entirely meaningless.
This is why sad movies make us cry.
I believe humans are good, and not evil, because we all want to have something good together. We don’t want it to be alone. Even though we do such great evils, even then we did it for others. We killed and plundered as bros.
We were even hos just looking for a singular particle of happiness.
Every human always hopes for something good to happen — something we can all share together.
This is why we go to sports games and cheer hard; this is why we go to concerts and lose ourselves in the sound of the music.
This is why we stand together, and not alone; when we are alone we wish we were together.
My criticism of the phrase “bros over hos” would be that it should be “Bros & hos, together.”
We should always say, “Meet me there, before it all starts; and we’ll have a drink and some of the good, old fashioned happiness.”
Because that was what we were born for and why we exist.
I don’t need my foreign friends all knocking at my door — I just want to hear some old Black Metal with a drunk, intellectual girl.