Monthly Archives: January 2011

Funeral Songs Of The 1st Wiking Koreanska

As you proceed down your path in life in pursuit of the happiness that all human beings merit, you will find yourself in situations confusing with no proper decision to make. It is at these times that we distinguish the Noble from the Ignoble, the Brave from the Cowardly, the Heroes from the Villains, the Civilized from the Barbaric and the ironic mustaches from the serious ones. 

Each day we awake with the knowledge that it could be our last or even the first day of a new life, but seldom does this knowledge come up from the subconscious and plant itself in our minds. 

5 months ago I witnessed a human being’s toe severed off; three other people laid on the street, one of which bleeding profusely from the head. I looked at the severed toe and I was fascinated. It was a human body part not attached to a human. First time I saw that. It makes me think about my body parts. The unmoving people on the street made me think about my soul parts. 

If one of them had died I’d like to have attended their ceremonies marking their passage from the world. 

I got two cool job ideas — one of which is to be a Philosopher Psychologist; no medicine degrees, no psychology degrees; I just put my name out there and I tell everyone, “Come and talk to me for $20 an hour or something like that, about your problems, and I will use eastern philosophy and some other philosophies, too, to solve your problems and be your friend.”

The other is: Funeral Performer. 

People die and their passage needs to be marked by a proper time in their honor. 

I come with an old, beaten up electric guitar named Anthony. Get a mate or someone else to bang some drums. I sit next to your corpse or your ashes in front of your loved ones and I plug into an amp. I rest the guitar on my thigh and I look out, at first with smiles dirtied with a sullen feel and then with a strained, serious face that works its way to pure Berserkersgangr Wikingism.

I sing the Drinking Songs of the 1st Wiking Koreanska for your Liebevolk.

They’re songs that haunt. 

Gruff, low voice tainted with a growl; simple chord progressions, distorted thoroughly. I’m drunk off soju but I assure you: my fingers are sure and the songs will not suffer. I’ve performed sober twice in my life. I’ve practiced sober less. It’s lo-fi Black Metal. Meant to fuck you up right in the head. 

The Drinking Songs of the 1st Wiking Koreanska are happiness tinged with sadness; they’re about God, King & Country, love, natural beauty of the Korean mountains and valleys; lots of songs about drinking in those mountains with the people you love. Lots of talk of lakes in Minnesota. There’s even a song about a special Church in Norway my great grandfather and his family were the Lutheran Ministers at for 700 years (no fucking jokes here, bitch). It is a family tradition the oldest son becomes a Lutheran minister. My Uncle broke that but I re-start it as family tradition of 1st sons being Lutheran Philosophers. Got a picture of the great grand dad sitting with the Bible and wearing his Lutheran minister’s collar… His name was Jakob with a slashy-squiggle ‘o’ and mine is Jacob, OK? Alright. 

Your funeral service will be complete. 

I was asked to read Ecclesiastes 3 at my Grandfather’s funeral:


1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

I was unable to because I spent the funeral weeping next to my grandmother holding her gnarled hand.

But the next time I go back to Minnesota I will hold two post-funeral services; for my father’s family, I will perform the Drinking Songs of the 1st Wiking Koreanska for my Aunt Sue, who passed last December 15th.

For my mother’s family, I will perform the same for my grandfather who passed on April 22nd, 2002.

I will gather together the Fearsome Foursome — this is the name of my old bestest mates (A. T., P. G., J. A.) and we’ll get drunk, together, as usual, and I will perform these drinking songs for Alyssa who killed herself on a warm summer night in 2002 via wrist cut warm shower bleed out. She was P. G.’s girlfriend and she used to puke on our floors. I remembered that she was happy when we were together. Her tombstone says “Mommy’s Little Angel” under her name. It was fitting. She was an angel going back home to work, earlier than expected. Her vacation was 17 years long. Her heart had seen enough of the Earth. 

She was too tender-hearted for a world irrational wrecking her simple wants; she was given with the brain chemistry of an angel who couldn’t bare to suffer. I really think about her a lot and I miss her smiles and laughs and the way she puked, hair shrouding her face and colors spilling on carpet. She always said I was a great guy, had a beautiful laugh. P. G. cried about it but I didn’t cry until 5 years later on a cold night, early Winter, south Korea, outside of a punk show, with the knowledge she’d be proud of us rockers doing it up in the Asian parts auf die welt. 

When I die don’t bury me — don’t bother with the hole. Just put me in the Mississippi and play some old Black Metal and drink until everyone’s howling at the Funeral Moon.

End NOTE: If you serious gonna die or get some dead folk on your hands just shoot me a PM. If you can pay for the cost of a flight I’ll croon at your funeral.

Philosophers: They’re Better Than Scientists, OK?

 I do not know why scientists are glorified over philosophers; scientists simply take far more advanced looks at the mundane and draw conclusions off of accumulated scientific data; philosophers delve into every nook & cranny of human existence, primarily the non-empirical, and come to far more relevant conclusions.It sounds very impressive to unlock some very complex part of science, just as how it seems incredibly people to some people that I speak “great Korean!” But I tell you… It isn’t amazing.It comes from years of work. You string enough things together you start coming to great conclusions and results, and to the layman it seems incredibly impressive that someone has ‘come that far’ in something that they are entirely unfamiliar with.However, if you had a passion for science (or Korean) and spent most of your adult life working in that field, I imagine it would be much like the work of many scientists.Of course, there are outstanding scientists that existed as near human computers — but at the end of the day, they are working with empirical data. It is objective. It is fact. They come up with theory after looking at fact and they draw their conclusion.Philosophy is far more impressive…It involves being the architect of existence and drawing conclusions largely without empirical data but only through reason.Idiot-head Stephen Hawking recently announced “Philosophy is dead.” I certainly hope the quotation is entirely out of context because if not he is certainly a sad little man obsessed solely with his role in science and is entirely unaware of the field he is commenting on.Certainly, philosophy is different, now. It really isn’t because of science, either. It is simply because after what very well may amount to 3,600 years of human philosophy being recorded, there isn’t exactly a lot left to say that is new.I would gladly write as a philosopher but… It’s already been said.Eh, it is just far more impressive to me seeing what a person can conjure from the depths of the human mind than making deductions based off of empirical evidence.Given enough evidence, anyone can solve a murder.Given no evidence, very few people can put together a philosophy worthy of being read.

Jerusalem’s Palestinians Prefer Israeli Rule

These are the sorts of statistics that attest to how terrible life can be under the rule of an Arab government which has little regard for human rights — the fact that they would choose to live under Israeli rule, as a majority, demonstrates the wonders of things like ‘freedom.’

WASHINGTON – The future of Jerusalem is considered one of the core issues in Israeli-Palestinian negotiations and one of the most significant obstacles to a permanent agreement between the two sides. However, it appears that on the Palestinian side, those who live in Jerusalem have already made their decision on the matter – and the Palestinian Authority leadership in Ramallah may not like it. 

The Capital 

A public opinion poll carried out by American Pechter Middle East Polls for the Council on Foreign Relations together with the head of the Palestinian centre for Public Opinion, Dr. Nabil Kukali, showed that if Jerusalem were divided as part of a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians, east Jerusalem Arabs would prefer to live under Israeli sovereignty. 

The poll, which comprised the residents of east Jerusalem’s 19 Arab neighborhoods, also pointed out that their opposition to Jerusalem’s division is so intense that they would rather move to a new home within Israel’s borders rather than live under the authority of a Palestinian state. 

The study also showed that Jerusalem’s Palestinian residents were interested in keeping their Israeli Identity cards and enjoying the State’s health and social benefits. Some 35% of them said that Israeli citizenship is their preferred citizenship and only 30% chose to be citizens of the future Palestinian state. An additional 30% said that they didn’t know, or preferred not to answer the question. 

Y NetThis is one of the many reasons I generally choose to support Israel.I’d like to see a peace deal secured that is beneficial to everyone, naturally, and this poll seems to show that even those who are living in ‘occupied’ Jerusalem really wish to see the future of an Israeli state.

외국에서 한국인이 포르노에서 출연하면 불법…

우리 미국 사람에게 좀 이상한 법 이여서 조금… 재미 있었다:

[쿠키 사회] 호기심에 음란사이트를 돌아다니던 김모군은 얼마전 한 사이트에서 익숙한 얼굴을 발견했다. 외국인 남자와 성관계를 갖는 동양인 여자의 얼굴이 왠지 낯익었던 것. 찬찬히 살펴보니, 동영상 속 배우는 학원에서 자신에게 영어를 가르치는 선생님이었다.깜짝 놀란 김군은 몇 번이고 다시 봤지만, 틀림없어 보였다. 김군은 이를 서울지방경찰청 제보 게시판에 올렸다.경찰은 수사를 시작했다. 김군의 의심은 사실이었다. 현재 서울시내 모 대학 대학원 영문학 전공 석사과정 학생이면서 서울 J영어학원에서 영어강사로 일하는 김모(33·여)씨는 지난해 캐나다에서 포르노 배우로 활동한 사실이 있었다.김씨는 고등학교를 졸업하고 캐나다로 유학을 떠났다. 남의 나라에서 학비를 마련하는 건 쉽지 않았다. 그래서 할 수 없이 선택한 일이 포르노 배우였다.김씨는 지난해 2월부터 9월까지 캐나다에서 포르노를 찍었다. 한 번 찍을 때마다 받은 돈은 200∼300달러. 일주일에 한 번씩 찍어 모두 30여차례 출연했다.이렇게 만들어진 영화는 캐나다인이 운영하는 해외 포르노 사이트를 통해 유통됐다. 캐나다에서는 포르노 영화를 찍는 게 죄가 아니다.김씨도 경찰조사에서 “캐나다에서는 불법이 아니라 출연했다”고 말했다. 그러나 우리나라에선 법률에 위반된다. 경찰은 김씨가 비록 해외에서 포르노 영화를 찍었지만 국적이 한국이기 때문에 속인주의에 따라 죄가 성립된다는 입장이다.서울 서대문경찰서는 30일 김씨를 해외 포르노 사이트에서 배우로 활동해온 혐의(정보통신망 이용촉진 및 정보보호 등에 관한 법률위반)로 불구속 입건했다.1000만원이하의 벌금형을 받을 것으로 보이는 김씨는 “불법인 줄 몰랐지만 한국에서 처벌받게 돼 포르노를 찍은 것이 후회스럽다”고 말했다

(한국 브로그)내 보기에는 개인의 선택이다. 물론 내가 이런 인생 방식을 지원하지 않지만 이렇게 법을 세워서 너무하다고 생각하다.모든 사람들이 자기 인생을 지도해야하다고 생각하고 돈이 필요하는 사람들이 가끔 이렇게 한다. 내가 그렇게 안 하겠지만 내 가치관은 물론 그 녀랑 다르다. 어떤 사람들에게 비윤리적이지만 다른 사람에게 섹스하는 것이 자연스럽다.그리고 Almond Tease (이 한국 여자)가 한 남자랑 출연했다. 그 때는 그 녀의 남자친구이였다. 아마도 그 사람의 사이에 괜찮았고 그 사람들의 관계에 나쁜 영향을 붙지지 않았다.그 사람들의 선택이였고 아마도 우리가 동의하지 않아도 해외에서 했고 왜 이런 것을 불법 이는 지 좋은 이유가 없다.다른 사람의 윤리적인 선택을 비판하는 것을 괜찮지만 이 것은 과잉반응이다.민주주의 적인 사회에는 모든 사람들이 인권이 있다. 제일 기본적인 인권은 자기의 몸을 자유롭게 표시하는 것이다. 어느 사람은 문신하고 싶거나 포르노에서 나오거싶거나 그 사람의 선택이고 그 사람의 인권이다.특히 외국에서 했으니까 이렇게 불법이라서 좀 파시스트 같은 법이다.

Heritage & Social Position

I remember a disturbing story my friend Michal told me — his parents had some very good friends who had grown up with them in Poland but at some point they had decided to move to Germany. Apparently, they changed their last names and did everything they could to conceal their Polish heritage and when his parents went to visit them they spoke as little Polish as possible outside of their home and tried to keep it all a hush-hush affair…The story struck me as crappy.I am from North Dakota where there are many people who are ‘Germans from Russia’ (Volgadeutsch) and apparently there are Russians amongst them who, in order to avoid discrimination in the New World, began passing themselves off as Germans and taking Germanic last names.Needless to say, there are other figures in America like Richie Valens who changed his last name from the original in order to hope that he could pass as of French descent…There is even the subtle hiding of ancestral heritage — if you go to Dakota/Minnesota/Wisconsin you will find a lot of people who began spelling their last names Carlson, Johnson, Jacobson, etc. as opposed to Karlsson, Johansson, Jakobsson, etc.My own grandmother’s family changed their last name from Plummessen to Palm for similar reasons, and the half of the family originally called Luvstohagen opted for the American ‘Wilson’ instead.I am thinking these efforts at adopting more Americanized last names may not have always been with the intention of gaining social status, but may have also been from a legitimate yearning to be more American and assimilate. But something tells me that it’d be easier to get a professional job in 1930s and 1940s America showing up with the last name Wilson or Palm than Plummessen or Luvstohagen when the power elite of the place very well may have been old WASPs.One can even look at ‘domestic social positions’ and last names.The statistic is something like 75% of Koreans share 5 last names; they all claim to be descendants of various clans, yet a tertiary glance at Korean history would indicate the power structures were just the same as anywhere in Europe: 95% of the population lived in abject poverty and was marginalized while the elites ran everything…Are you telling me that 75% of the people who were members of the influential Lee, Bak, Kim, Jeong and Choi clans [i]really[/i] were all living well, while the remaining 25% of less common names were poor? I doubt it.I heard that there were people saving up money to [i]purchase[/i] these set last names, and others, who know how they came about these clan’s last names? In the wake of Japanese imperialism, perhaps, they were enabled to ‘fudge the records’ and get elite last names.For instance, the ‘Chun’ clan in Korea is regarded as a quite low last name; in fact, ‘Chun-Min’ the word itself means ‘the lowest class of people.’ One thing I heard about someone with this last name was that they used to be an extremely powerful clan but were then deposed and the victors of history have written them off as the ‘lowest people.’Regardless, I think this is an interesting topic of discussion.

Blaggers ITA – Beirut [video]

 This is a classic song that I was shocked I could not find on YouTube so I felt the necessity to make it.Of course, it is an anti-war song, but I never really thought about in those terms. Rather, I always enjoyed the chorus and the feeling of it. You may enjoy it. It’s really terrific, seamless punk and quite ‘haunting.’ Makes you want to go and die in Beirut. 🙂

Convenience Stores & The Things Inside Them

A convenience store is a small shop meant to hold all things that are deemed ‘convenient.’ In most cultures this consists of snacks, drinks, magazines, newspapers. Cigarettes.The things that are really important to man’s survival can be found here; things that we cannot live without when we are coming home from doing our things.Soap, toilet paper; tooth paste; cleaning agents; pens and paper.  Alcohol, many kinds, many genres, many interpretations; from many different places.The workers at the local convenience stores are used to seeing me scrounging for an extra 300 won; I have small conversations while I purchase my goods with college students and old people and middle aged people who for whatever reason find themselves working for shit wages at a small store.Most workers like me except for some shitty middle aged men. I guess they have a reason to be angry and moody — life did not turn out to be a long series of simultaneous orgasms with beautiful women and lots of holidays in the sun, eh? It turned out to be 2 AM, bright lights, pot bellies; getting older and no more opportunities(and no more bonfires)People really should just be happy with their little lot in life and suck every ounce of pleasure they can before they go to their graves as opposed to giving foreigners sighs and poor treatment in their convenience store.

Give My Fucking GI Bill You Fucking Cheaters

I fucking served six years in the Army.  The first years were fine but the last two years I survived hating my job every day and just thinking about the weekend and my life in the military felt so terrible. But I felt it was OK because the military was going to pay for my college and my college was my dream so it seems so fucking ridiculous that now I’ve spent so long waiting for it.I fucking spend my time. As how? As how? As someone you aren’t giving benefits to. Benefits that I need to stay strong and free..I’ve applied for it, I’ve sent messages and other people sent messages for it. And then, I received independent donations to my livelihood to keep my education alive. My great friend is calling on the phone and no fucking response? What, did I not exisst? I am typing in my own house as an American Soldier and NO REPOONSE? iI want my LIFE.And now after a year of straight As I do not know what my foreign college GI Bill outcome is.I am so angry and livid and I feel destroyed.I fucking hate this fucking system.Pay me for what I did. That’s all I ask of you. Fulfill your contract.I would’ve given you my everything. Why don’t you give my benefits?GIVE ME MY FUCKING LIFE..YOU ARE SOBAD.