Last night I was out with some of the neighborhood crew and one of the women there was really digging for some sort of information, or a sort of admittance, you could say….
“Why did you like that girl?” she asked me, and I meekly said something along the lines of her being nice and having similar hobbies. She nodded and it was a non-issue…
Later she asked some fellows what he likes in women and the guy had the nerve to say that he likes a woman’s “heart.”
Unfortunately at this point I had had a few drinks and was willing to say the butcher’s truth of it.
“Everyone likes women’s hearts, but if that were true fat girls would have men tripping over each other to date them. Ugly people have the best hearts –probably not because they are good hearted people, but probably because experiences resulting from their ugliness has made them the most empathetic of people, and because if ugly people were mean and hot tempered, who would they ever be friends with?”
After I said this I got a round of high fives from all of the women present, and the men vaguely scowled at me.
I told them what matters to me, first and foremost, is the happiness I get from someone, and part of that happiness is the concept of sexual attraction and status — you want someone who both turns you on and also builds your status as a person. Of course, a part of ‘happiness’ is also how nice and good hearted a person is, but who would want to be with a person who gets you made fun of because they are so overweight or unattractive, and who you cannot be sexually excited about?
As I have gotten older the physical standard has dropped, certainly, but the fact is that I am not going to marry a pumpkin shaped woman unless I have no other recourse. The last thing I want to spend the rest of my life doing is going into the workplace or walking around a mall having people wonder why a non-morbidly obese man is with a morbidly obese woman. Yes, I love the Tao Teh Ching and I love non-conformity but that does not mean I would not be upset if everyone around me thought I had some sort of mental problem.
I just would like people to no longer utter such contemptuous lies.
Saying that you’re attracted to women or men by their hearts? Are you kidding me?
Oh, yeah, sure, I like nice people as much as the next guy but I have something also called integrity.
I am not going to be such a brazen hypocrite because I am no longer a teenager who thinks people believe the lies.
And I simply do not have the gall to make statements to people who are disadvantaged by their physical presence that really, truly, I am not with you because you are ugly… I am just not with you because I value people’s hearts.
In an odd way that is so ironic — it is almost as if by saying we value people’s hearts with our words we are taking away the one advantage the ugly have…
Believe that people truly love other people for their hearts long enough and then you get a world full of ugly people with bad hearts. Oh, the irony!
On that note, I think this circumstance best summarizes my opinion:
An overweight 14 year old girl looks up to her father and says,
“What do you look for in women, dad?”
“I look for women with good hearts… But, really, if you want a boyfriend you should go jogging, dear.”